Worth Fighting For

I am on a roll this week! I don't remember the last time I've blogged every day! And yet, there is so much on my mind, so much on my heart...it's just one thing after another, and if nothing else, writing about it helps me think it all through, gain perspective, and get it off my chest!

Two days ago, I posted here about the peace we have over the decision we made not to pursue an adoption referral we received on Monday. I can't explain it, but it truly is a deep seated peace. That doesn't mean the decision was easy and it doesn't mean little things don't make me stop and think, "are we SURE we made the right decision?"

In fact, yesterday we found out we are farther away from getting the file on the specific little girl we have been praying over than we first thought. We went from believing it was likely, to being told it's a needle in a haystack situation once again...not what we wanted to hear, but still not a closed door. Add to that, today I realized that if we don't travel to get our daughter by mid-September of this year, we will need to update our home study for an additional $500 fee. Unless we are matched next month, the chances of traveling by then are slim.

Now let me be clear--we believe these are minor obstacles. We serve a BIG God. When it is time for our daughter to come home, not only will He provide the funds (even additional ones) needed to do so, but He will do so at the perfect time. I keep telling the "mama in me" that she will not arrive a day early OR a day late, but exactly when she is supposed to. Sometimes I repeat it as if it were my mantra. LOL.

It's these little things that Satan could easily use to make us doubt. To take us beyond the occasional question of "did we do the right thing?" and drive us right into a spiral of unbelief, despair, and discouragement when things don't seem to add up exactly like we'd like them to.

Back in late December, after Sean had shared with me his feeling of being drawn to this little girl, but while we still had no idea how we would get her basic info, I was feeling anxious. I was stressing out over little things, details we had no control over. He was wanting me to check here and there and (seemingly) everywhere, to do what we could on our end to get more info on her. In my discouragement, I hesitated at one point, and he could clearly tell I didn't feel calling any other places would help. He looked at me and said, "Isn't she worth fighting for?"

It took me by surprise, but yet, it brought me back to a place of belief. I had let some of those little things drag me down. I was beginning to feel discouraged and disheartened. I was beginning to doubt all of those other areas where God had clearly delivered things we could've only hoped for. Instead of focusing on how far we'd come, I was looking at how far we still had to climb.

I refocused, prayed and laid it all at the feet of Jesus, once again relinquishing control. Wouldn't you know, the day the first list came out, we not only learned her birth date, we learned her name. Once again, God delivered and He delivered HUGE! I was speechless. I was in awe.

It's times like these, when little things seem to be slowing us down. When we seem to take one step forward and two steps back, that I have to remind myself...those things worth having are worth fighting for. SHE'S worth fighting for. And until that door is closed, we will continue to fight for her. After all, we're on God's timeline, not ours. She'll be here before we know it...and right on time.  :)