For example, one that I was not expecting at all: the end of the military honors portion of daddy's graveside service. I thought at this point I was all ugly-cried out. I mean, I knew more tears would come, but I thought, at least for the day, that my ugly cries were behind me. As we drove into the cemetery, the Air Force Servicemen were already there. As daddy's casket arrived in the hearse, they stood at attention and slowly saluted. It was so beautiful. I cried some there, but not the ugly cry...yet. Then they stood at attention as daddy's pastor spoke. They began to fold the flag--such a beautiful, silent scene as they treated the flag, and daddy's casket with the utmost care. They played Taps, which was hard to listen to and made tears fall again. And then it happened. I knew it was coming. My brothers had decided that, with me being the oldest and the only girl, the flag should be presented to me. I knew that would be hard. What I didn't expect was HOW they would present it.
The Airman turned toward me where I sat, got down on one knee, placed the flag in my hand and gently but firmly held his hands over mine on the top and bottom of the folded flag. He then, looking me straight in the eye without flinching at all, said the following:
"On behalf of the President of the United States, and a grateful nation, we thank you for the service of your loved one..."
I barely heard the rest. I have no idea how he held it together. My face was contorted in an attempt to keep from wailing as the tears streamed down my face and sobs wracked my body, causing my chest and shoulders to convulse. It was so incredibly beautiful. There are no other words. It was a moment I will never forget...
There are other things though, that make me smile and some even make me laugh out loud. Like the day I saw a Model A or Model T (Daddy would've known which one it was) as I was leaving our neighborhood. He always loved those things. Or before daddy's funeral when I was on the phone with the VA discussing his military benefits. One of the things they said we would receive was a Certificate of Honorable Service (or something like that). I was about to start crying on the phone as the lady was saying this until she uttered the words..."signed by the President himself"...at which point it was all I could do not to die laughing.
If you knew my father at all, you understand why this would be so funny. As some of you don't, let me enlighten you. My father was an American Patriot through and through. He loved his country. He believed in it's Constitution and the freedom so many have fought and died for. But, like most Americans at different times, he didn't care at all for the current President. We've all been there--no matter what your party affiliate. So I'm sure you can see the humor I found in the fact that the last presentation for his honor will be signed by a president he didn't like. LOL. I could almost hear him laughing with me. It was good to laugh.
All this to say, I find myself noticing, not the big things--although they are equally as good--but the little things. The daily things that make me smile or cry, that make me miss him, want to call or text him. It's all still very surreal, even now. It's been nearly 2 months and sometimes I find I have to remind myself that he's gone. Other times I find my heart aches all day long. But God is good. I know this full well. So for now I enjoy the little things that stir my heart, knowing that whether they bring smiles or tears, they ultimately also bring healing.
