A Holy Moment

For me, God's voice never comes audibly. In fact, usually when God is urging me to do something, say something, or head a specific direction, He usually does it ever so subtle, as more of a nudge, an idea, a simple thought that leads to more, over time. I don't think I've ever had Him speak directly to my heart in a clear, strong way that left me without doubt or questions in a given moment...that was, until today...

This morning, as I was getting ready for the day, I found myself frustrated, realizing how fast time was flying due to the holidays and our crazy schedule. I began praying to God in my frustration, just being real about how hard it is not knowing where Mei Mei's file is in the process, not really knowing the process itself (on the China side) and how much I longed to hold my daughter and HAVE HER HOME ALREADY. I would say it was more venting than praying, to be honest. I wasn't looking for an answer, or even guidance, I was just pouring out my heart. I began to think through the time frame, and wondered if we would even make it in time for her birthday in April. For me, that has been my end goal...to have her home or at least be with her in China, for her birthday. 

In that moment, God spoke to my heart clearer than ever before. It was not audible, but I knew exactly what it was...the same way I've known in my heart, for years now, that Mei Mei was our daughter, the first time I saw her face. He made it clear that it was time to "prepare my village/pack my bags". He is moving, and I'm here to tell you, something BIG is about to happen. I am expecting it to happen this month, but maybe even in the next few days. All I know is, He gave me a sense of urgency like never before. The emotion in the moments that followed were overwhelming. I was a complete mess. As I stood there in my bathroom, I had to sit down at the side of the tub because I was overcome with a sobbing, ugly cry. It was a mixture of relief, joy, utter thankfulness and praise. Praise for the God who sees, the God who hears, the God who knows the cry of my heart and has not forgotten me. He and He alone is in control. AND HE IS BRINGING HER HOME...AND SOON.

Two friends mentioned to me TODAY how we'd been on their hearts all day long, that they'd been praying for us more than ever, today. In talking to my mama about all of this, she shared that God had spoken to her the very same way about me, before she even knew she was pregnant. I'm telling you, GOD IS MOVING.

Don't get me wrong...this adoption process takes time. And I don't believe for one minute that we are leaving this month. But I have complete faith that God is moving in mighty ways, that we will have big news, and soon. For now...I have things to do...because I need to be ready when He makes the way. 

"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to HIM be the glory..."  Eph. 3:20-21

My Greatest Hope

PLEASE read this to the end. That's all I ask. 

I've been praying for clarity recently, for discernment. In case you weren't aware, there are a number of people who believe that The Rapture may happen this week. They have many reasons why, many signs they believe that point to the probability of this occurring to be greater than any other time in history. I will agree that there are a large number of events culminating this week. Other than that, God only knows. Let me repeat that: God ONLY knows. Now before anyone gets upset, let me be clear, I have yet to hear one person say they know absolutely that Jesus is coming. They are all more in a "wait and see" position.

So why on earth am I writing about it? Well, I initially thought about just making a simple Facebook post. However, after thinking through what I believed I needed to say, I figured a blog post was more appropriate. LOL. So here is the important part of this post, here is where I ask you to pay close attention.

I do not know if Jesus will return this week. However, the reality is, I also don't know if I will wake up tomorrow. All I DO know, is that I woke up today. And if you're reading this, so did you. I am not eloquent, I am definitely not perfect, and I don't have the ability to speak to each of you personally. So I will post my thoughts here, and pray that you read them, and they make you ponder.

I want you to know that, whether you are my friend, my family, my neighbor; man, woman, child; gay, straight, or identify otherwise; Catholic, Protestant, Athiest, Muslim, or any other religion; no matter the color of your skin or the balance of your bank account; whether you are on my street or the other side of the world; no matter who you are or where you are; I am praying for you. PLEASE don't roll your eyes--I am incredibly sincere. I pray, not that you find a great church home, or realize your greater calling in life, not that you will be richly blessed, or any of a myriad of great things I could pray for you. Instead, I pray you find Jesus. Not the Jesus that you've seen portrayed on TV, not the Jesus that you felt you were never good enough for if you grew up in a strict church, and most definitely not the Jesus that we believers have so poorly represented to you as we mocked you, criticized you, cursed you, belittled you, shamed you and otherwise poured out rath and hatred rather than love and help. 

The reality is, He WILL come some day. You don't have to believe that to make it true. And the more important reality is that you need to KNOW Him...not just "believe" in Him. The Bible states clearly in James 2:19 "You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that--and shudder." Believing is not enough, sweet friend. You need to see your need for a savior, seek Him out and ask His forgiveness. You need to have a relationship with Him. That is my prayer for you--that you will look beyond our poor examples of who He is and find who He really is.

Because we are not promised tomorrow. We have today. So my greatest hope is that He will use me, in my imperfect ways and with my imperfect words, to draw you closer to Himself. I pray that in spite of what I say or do when I fail, that you would be able to see my heart, my truest intentions. I pray that at the end of the day, the one thing you think about when you think of me is "She served a mighty God." 

I pray that wherever you are, you take a minute to stop, to look inward, to really listen to the only One who can fill that void that you secretly hold inside, that longing for more, that emptiness nothing seems to fill. And I pray that when He speaks to your heart, you answer. He knows your hurt, He understands your pain. He's seen your sin. He knows your secrets. And He loves you just the same. He has changed my life, and I pray that you let Him change yours.

I love each of you dearly. I pray earnestly for you. And I will happily discuss Jesus with you any time, day or night. 

Her Province, Our Prayers

So it seems like every other day there is MORE to update y'all on! I AM LOVING THAT!!! After SO many years of feeling like nothing was ever going to change, but praying and believing God would still move mountains, it is both humbling and refreshing to see so many answers to prayer and so many MANY mountains being moved!! So for today's updates:

While I wait, ever so...ahem...impatiently (to be honest), I've been researching like crazy when I can't seem to sit still. I've been researching her Province, her city, her special need. I've been reading every blog post and article I can get my hands on that talks about what to expect, what not to expect, and what to completely have NO expectations on. I feel like I am full of a ton of info, a bit overwhelming, but also feeling like I am learning more about our daughter so that we are better prepared for what she may or may not need--more on that in a different post. I'm also asking a bazillion questions from BTDT (been there done that) parents on what our trip will be like, what weather to expect, what I need to know about the city where we will pick her up (this is not her home city, but rather the capitol city of her province), and gathering travel tips.

One thing I've been delving into lately is her province and specifically, what to expect there should we travel in January as we hope. First, while I've known for a few years that it is a coal mining province, I've only recently learned it is, in fact, the coal mining capitol of all of China. This being the case, I've also learned the air quality is less than ideal, and may indeed be a breathing issue for both my husband and our middle son, who both have asthma issues. While their asthma is not a major health issue for them where we live, it is irritated occasionally by allergens in the air--more so than for the average Joe. This being the case, we are praying, and we ask you to join us, that the air quality will not be a major issue for them. We will go prepared with their inhalers, other meds and, of course, my oils to help relieve them of any struggles. But we are praying specifically that they are not miserable while in her province, as we truly want this to be a time we can focus on our new little one and her fears, her struggles, her needs--things we KNOW will be an issue for her--so that her transition can be as easy as possible at what will be such a difficult time for her.

Along with this, I've learned that the temps in January can be anywhere from the teens to the lower 50s. While this is not an issue, per se, (we are totally used to winter, people), we also know that the second week of our trip in a different province, we will likely see temps in the 60s-low 70s. As you can well imagine, this leads to a bit of a packing dilemma. So, please join us in praying for good packing decisions that will allow us the flexibility to handle the variety of temps we may encounter, without the need to over-pack. We will only be allowed to take ONE 44 pound suitcase each (outside of our carryon luggage) and our goal is to pack less than is needed so that we might be able to bring home some future birthday gifts for our daughter.

We are keeping busy on the fundraiser front! We are taking in donations, a few times a week it seems, for the garage sale in 2 weeks! We even have an article going out in our neighborhood news letter in a couple of days which will definitely result in more traffic for the sale, but may even result in more donations as well! We are currently at 54 people for our race, as I mentioned in my last post. 25 of those people joined the team during the "Labor Day Weekend Contest" and...word has it THAT WE WON!!! I am still awaiting the confirmation email and the amount that we won to be disclosed, but we did it!! That contest will add extra funds to our race grant and every penny counts!! The kids continue to do odd jobs each week to earn money and they've even been going through their things to add to the garage sale! I learned recently of a 10 year old boy who raises funds to give siblings a $500 grant toward their trip with their family to adopt a sibling!! The boys (because sis isn't big enough to do it alone and it has to be without parental help) will each be writing a brief essay this evening to answer some questions and apply for the grant! If they receive it, they have agreed to split the funds toward all 4 of them going. SO blessed to watch their hearts intertwined on this mission to get their sister.

All in all, things seem to be moving quickly and we are keeping busy! I know that some day soon this will all be a distant memory and I will be holding my daughter in my arms, trying to remember what life was like without her. Until then, please join us in these specific prayers as we wait, ever so impatiently, LOL, to bring our little girl home!!

Selling, Racing & Praying

It has been totally crazy the last two weeks around here. We started building our team for the Chosen Race, starting taking in donations for our garage sale fundraiser, started school, and maintained our massive amounts of praying to bring our girl home! Here's where we stand:

Our race team is growing by leaps and bounds! We had originally set a goal of getting 50 people to join our team. We are currently at 54!! So what do we do? We raise the goal to 75! The beauty of more runners is two fold. First, we receive 100% of the registration fees toward our adoption! So right now, we've already raised $2795 just by people choosing to join us!! We've also had $200 donated, so our total right now is $2995!! Second, the more people that choose to join us, the less we need each person to raise in donations to hit our goal of $15,000! If we had 50 people running, we needed to average $300 in donations raised per runner. If we hit our current goal of 75 people, then that average drops to $200! That means each person only needs to find 10 people willing to donate $20. I know you could've done that math, but just putting it down in writing gets me excited as to how easy it should be to hit our goal!!! If you want to join our team to help us meet our goal of 75 runners, just click here, register to run, and choose "Miles for MeiMei" as your team! You can choose the Full Marathon, the Half Marathon, the 5K, Virtual Runner (run where you are!), or Sleepwalker (don't run, just sign up!). Your kids can even join you by running in the Kids Fun Run! If you aren't able to join our team but still want to donate $5, $10, $20 or even more, just click here, then click on the "Pledge" button! SUPER easy!

We are also preparing for a HUGE garage sale fundraiser! Our neighborhood is having a fall garage sale, and we plan to take advantage of all the traffic! If you're not able to run the race or donate monetarily, you can donate any unwanted items to our sale! We will happily swing by to pick it up. Our sale isn't until October 3rd and our garage is already filling up! We will turn your unwanted items into cash for our kids plane tickets to join us in getting their sister home from China! We will have huge signs up in the yard letting everyone know it's a fundraiser sale for our adoption, so we expect this place to be pretty busy all day long! Anything that doesn't sell we will donate to our local Thrift Store at the end of the day. Feel free to contact me through a comment on this blog post, through Facebook, or through a mutual friend if we're not "friends" on Facebook!

Finally, we are praying HUGE prayers over here!! First, we are still waiting on our official transfer to the new agency. This normally takes about a month and this week we are starting week 4 of waiting. This is beginning to drive me nuts. Please pray that the transfer would come quickly so I can move on to waiting impatiently for the next phase. LOL. Second, if we are to travel in January (which is our hope as December is much more expensive), we need to be matched with our daughter's file no later than October. Our new agency is hopeful that her file will come through soon as there has been lots of "activity" going on regarding their orphanage partnerships in China. Please join us in praying that her file comes ASAP, but most definitely before the end of October. Also, prayers of peace and patience for me are always greatly appreciated. It is really hard to stay focused on the here and now when we are getting sooooo close! I KNOW God is in control. But prayers of patience would be awesome.  :)

Friends (and family) I cannot begin to tell you how blessed we have been during this whole process. We were showered with blessings while we lived in Tulsa, back when we began this journey, and we continue to be blessed even after moving away from everyone we knew. God has brought exactly the right people into our lives in so many areas since moving...I cannot wait to tell the longer version of our daughter's story some day. It is completely humbling how He is orchestrating her story so beautifully. Our prayer has always been that if someone had any doubt that God was real and that He cares about every detail of their lives, that her story would leave no room for it any longer. He is answering that prayer in amazing ways. We are truly blessed, not only to be her parents, but to be part of her miracle story. Thank you for joining us on this journey and for loving us through it all. We love each of you dearly.

A Miracle In the Making

So it's been nearly FOUR months since I last blogged. It was a crazy busy summer! But it was by far, the BEST one yet. So much has happened in the last few months--actually just in the last few weeks really! Here's a brief recap:

All summer long I called or emailed the other agency to see if they had any word on our little one's file. Each time the response was the same, "No. But check back in a few weeks." So every 2-3 weeks I would. Finally, in late July, the response was "I really don't think there's anything we can do to help you get this file. We have other families that are waiting ahead of you. It would be really difficult to find a way to make this work." Those weren't the exact words, but basically the sentiment was "move along, because this just isn't going to happen." Many of you recall this time because I very specifically asked for prayers of peace and clarity. Peace to move on and allow this door to be closed, if that's what this was. My husband, however, wanted to keep trying. He insisted on a joint phone call with the director of the China program from the other agency. Until this point, he'd let me pretty much take the lead and handle all things "adoption" while we waited. But now he wanted to step into the battle himself. I asked, she agreed, and we set a phone call date for a Monday afternoon. I was so certain that this was going to be a final, closed door, that I emailed our caseworker at our agency and told her she may want to look for referrals for us on the list that was coming out Monday evening. I told her I thought the door was closing and we would be moving on.

I didn't eat or sleep much over the weekend. On Monday, I sent our daughter to a friend's house, told the boys we would be in an important phone call, closed the office doors, and dialed the phone. Some brief niceties were exchanged. She asked us what we'd like to discuss in particular. At this point, I listened as my husband laid it all on the line, and poured out his heart to this complete stranger. His passionate explanation of his feelings and his tears brought me to my knees. He wasn't giving in, wasn't giving up. He was fighting to the very end. I suddenly felt so foolish and weak. Here I was, willing to walk away, concede defeat, when in reality, we could still fight more. He strength amazes me.

And then it happened. She did a complete 180 from the email on Friday. She asked us again to put our story, of how long we'd waited, how our hearts were so intent on this child we'd never met, all of the details, into an email. She wanted it sent to her. IF, and she said it was a big if, the CCCWA would agree to allow us to transfer our dossier to their agency, SHE WOULD AGREE TO MATCH US WITH HER FILE WHEN IT COMES IN. This simply, was another mountain moved. We still had to get China to agree, but if they did, we could GET OUR GIRL. I put our story in an email yet again, had Sean proof read it, made some simple changes and sent it off the next day. I asked her how long it would take to hear back--she said likely a week maybe two. She forwarded the email to her staff in China, along with a letter of approval from herself, and the wait began. I asked for prayers like never before on facebook. I had no idea how I was gonna focus or get anything worthwhile done until we knew.

We had the answer just TWO DAYS later. China agreed and laid out the steps necessary to gain approval. We had to send a hard copy letter from us, one from the new agency, and one from what would become our old agency. And we had to fill out the application with the new agency and pay some fees. I asked her if there was any remote chance of not getting our girl's file after all of this. She told me she obviously can't control everything about the process, but she felt secure in saying we had a 99% CHANCE OF BEING MATCHED. Sweet Jesus, I sobbed like a little baby. All of the pent up emotion, longing, struggle, pain, anxiety--it all came out at once and I knew I needed to tell my husband immediately.

Turns out, the longest wait of my life, what I thought would be the waiting to hear if the transfer was approved, was not! The longest wait was trying to reach my husband at work!!! I texted. I called. I texted again. I called again. I called his cell. I called his direct office line. I emailed. I texted again. NOTHING. I finally told him I was calling the office. I asked them to page him. They came back on to tell me they didn't know how but they were sending someone to find him and tell him to call me immediately. LOL. I texted him again and told him they were coming to hunt him down because he wasn't responding. I didn't want to talk to anyone else first. I was avoiding the kids. I was a basket case!! I wanted him to hear it first. Finally he called--and I sobbed again, telling him that we were going to get our girl!! It caught him off guard and he was just thankful everyone was ok--I guess the HR lady made him think someone was dying. I later emailed her to apologize! LOL.

So all that to say...WE'RE GOING TO GET OUR GIRL!!!!!!!! I am so humbled, so in awe, so very unworthy, to be in this place, to have these answered prayers. My mama heart is on the verge of exploding at any given moment on any given day. Even in my doubt, He chose to answer the cry of my heart. I am without words to express the mountains moved, the miracles in the making, the changed hearts, the outcome we have prayed for all this time. GOD IS GOOD. And don't you think for one second that man could've done any of this. Every single person that has anything to do with the adoption process has told us from the very second we started that this would probably not happen. Every adoptive mama has told me to keep praying. Many people who've heard our story have questioned, doubted, asked openly why we were waiting. But every moment one of us doubted (myself more than Sean), God, in His mercy, gave us a reason to keep going, to keep fighting. And He and He ALONE moved the mountains every man believed to stand in our way.

Now we wait for more paperwork and time frames and fees and processing...all between two countries. And we start learning Chinese, reading up on her province, plan packing lists, and start fundraising to cover to the $23,000 this change between agencies and our travel expenses will cost! Through it all, we cling to Ephesians 3: 20-21 "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory..."

In the Stillness

A lot has changed in the last few weeks regarding our adoption. Many of you already know most of it as I was anxiously requesting prayer numerous times on Facebook! It's been almost surreal having been waiting for YEARS with little to no movement and then to have so much happen in just a two week time frame!

We received word that the little girl we've been following has her file complete! This is HUGE because it means, regardless of the outcome, we will have closure in the next few months. Either we will receive her file, or it will be time to close this chapter and move on--but either way, we will have closure. There will be resolution. But there have been huge strides of open communication, new information that we have that at least keeps the door open to the possibility! Within 48 hours, we learned that her file will definitely go to an agency, the likely agency it will go to is WORKING WITH US in the hopes they can figure out a way for us to receive the file (they'd told us previously they would not do this), and our own agency called and brought up that if we were able to work with the other agency, they totally understood if we switched!! That has been a major sticking point for us as we really, truly love our agency and really don't want to work with anyone else. That being said, our priority is getting our little girl home and if the other agency is able to secure her file and guarantee it would be assigned to us, we would switch in a heartbeat! It's just nice to have that extra load off of having to explain to our agency we wanted to switch. Knowing they fully support us in whatever means necessary to get our girl home is truly a blessing. So now we wait to hear from the other agency as to whether they will definitely get her file and if they will be able to assign it to us! In the mean time we are busy scheduling Dr appts and caseworker visits and paying fees because OF COURSE this all happened at the same time that our USCIS immigration paperwork and our home study need updated! Nothing like a whole lotta crazy all at once!!

But it gives me hope. It gives me reassurance. It allows me to see, to KNOW that God is still in control, that His hand is in the middle of our mess, working, even when we don't see it. I know that in being human, I don't see the big picture, I don't see the end game. So when things don't appear to go my way, when they "take too long" according to MY time frame, I'm tempted to throw in the towel, to call an audible, to just move on already. I think that's when God likes to show off most. When it couldn't possibly come from anyone or anything other than Him. He steps in, shows He's in control, and  "the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:7

Keep praying friends!! We cannot do this alone--we need each of you going before the Father on our behalf! From the depths of our hearts, THANK YOU, for taking this journey with us.

Butterflies, Rainbows & Other Loads of Crap

So yeah, this post is more of me taking a load off and venting. Sorry about that. But not really. Sometimes you just need to let it out. For me, today is that day.

Today is her birthday. She's 3. That makes a total of 3 birthdays we've spent apart since we first laid eyes on her. I cannot begin to describe to you the level of utter suckage (I don't care if that's not a real word) that entails. And I fully realize that some of you probably think we are crazy (love you, but we don't care). Others just don't really understand--both the process and/or the desire we have to wait. To be honest, it's not really a DESIRE to wait. Trust me, this is NOT the path I would've chosen myself. I truly get that there are other children out there needing a family, other little girls on "the list" waiting to find their forever homes. There are perfectly beautiful, needy children...waiting. The depth of that fact is not lost on me...at all. It wrecks me to the core of my being that I simply cannot bring every one of them home. Ask my husband--he knows I would if we could. He thinks I'm nuts in that arena, by the way. So it is not for one nanosecond lost on me that while we wait on THIS one, another one waits to be matched as well. I realize we could choose to shorten our wait. But it's not where we feel led.

The best way I can explain it is actually to give you a perspective I can only imagine myself, because it's one I've never truly been in. But in my heart, I believe it will give you the best picture of why we wait. It's the image of a birth mom, preparing to give her child up for someone else to raise. Now please hear me out--I HAVE NEVER WALKED THAT PATH so I cannot say with certainty that I know for one minute how it feels. This is simply the only example I can IMAGINE feels close to what our wait is like. I do not want, in any way shape or form, to diminish the depth of pain those moms go through. I know my pain is no where near what they feel, but it's the only way I can imagine it myself.

You see, from the very moment I laid eyes on her, she was my daughter. And every day that passes, a piece of me lives a half a world away, my heart walking around outside my body. We get updates and pictures...images of someone else raising our daughter. Someone else gets her cuddles, someone else gets her kisses. Someone else watched her first steps, someone else heard her first words. Another woman holds her when she cries, and kisses her boo-boos when she's hurt. SOMEONE ELSE IS RAISING OUR DAUGHTER. And that sucks. Every single day that sucks. Usually I keep myself busy--I mean, hello, we have four other kids! So most days, I'm not bombarded with a wealth of emotions I don't know how to handle. Most days I'm not a hot mess. Most days, I'm not completely on the verge of an emotional breakdown at any given second. But on this, her birthday, I am.

And I know God is in control. And I know He sees my pain. And I know He has a plan. And I know and I know and I know. But let's be real. Faith isn't always easy. It isn't always butterflies and rainbows and all those other loads of crap. I KNOW all the right things. I KNOW all of the truth. And trust me, I don't doubt for one minute if God has my best interests at heart. But some days are still hard. Some days I don't wanna get out of bed. Some days I wanna scream and punch somebody in the face. Some days I wanna give her government a piece of my mind--swear words and all. Most days I just want--FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING HOLY--to get on freakin plane and go get our daughter.

For now we wait. We celebrate her life. We storm the gates of Heaven on our knees for our daughter. And we pray that someday, someday soon, we will celebrate together rather than apart...

That's where I am. Today.

Little Did I Know

It's amazing to me how much you learn as you get older. What I wouldn't give to know what I know now and be my much younger self, say, 15-20 years ago! But wisdom comes with age and rarely anything else. One thing I've learned is how right my parents were on so many things (SHHHHH! Don't tell them that! LOL).  In fact, I distinctly remember calling my stepdad during my second semester of college, solely for the purpose of telling him I'd realized he was right...on a lot of things. He was gracious and merely chuckled.

I also remember laughing at my daddy, sometimes outright and sometimes in secret, when he would suggest things that were, what I believed, totally off the wall. He kept coming to me with all of these "health" solutions, natural remedies, the importance of herbs and nutrition. I would smile and nod and chalk it up to something some people do, just not me.

Fast forward, oh, about 10 years give or take a few. My life experiences have forced me to grow, to get out of my comfort zone. Daddy has been gone almost 2 years now. That in itself is hard to believe...sometimes hard to even accept. With his passing, however, I was hit hard with the fact that life is short and time is not guaranteed. We make choices every single day that determine our future.

In facing this realization, I've decided to keep an open mind when it comes to things I would normally shy away from. I've taken an active role in our children's education by beginning to homeschool them last year. I've decided to be more intentional with how I spend my time, realizing that sometimes "no" is the right answer. And I've begun to do a lot more research into things that effect my health and the health of my family--namely our nutrition and our medicine cabinet.

In doing so, I came across a company called Young Living Essential Oils. I began to research them, as well as other companies, as I wanted to begin to incorporate the use of these oils into our healthcare routine. With the help of a friend, I purchased a couple of oils for a few specific purposes, to get a feel for their effectiveness and benefits. I was sold. I had used other essential oils before, mainly from the health food stores, but I'd never had results like these. I delved deeper into the company, how they came up with their oils, reviewed testimonials, and talked with friends who used them. I personally couldn't find a better company with a better product than Young Living.

I immediately began looking forward to the day I could "justify" purchasing the Everyday Oils Collection Starter Kit. I knew without a doubt I wanted to begin incorporating these oils into my cleaning products, beauty products, and our medicine cabinet.

My husband, however, was quite skeptical. In fact, he often referred to them as my "snake oils"...until the day he came down quite sick, however. Nothing else he was taking was giving him any relief, so when I asked if he wanted me to try some oils on him, he said "I don't care at this point. I'll try anything." That was the first night he'd slept all night in DAYS. My husband was now a believer and I purchased the Premium Starter Kit!

We've used the oils as a family and given samples out to friends now for over 6 months. We are rarely sick, and when we are, we are over it in a very short time! I have even been able to stop taking meds and replace them with oils with BETTER results. I feel great, I have more energy, and I know that I'm doing it while giving my body these amazing oils and no chemical side effects.

So I decided if I am already telling my friends and family about these oils, I may as well put myself in a position to order some for them! That's why, as of last month, I've become a YL Independent Distributor. Honestly, I don't care if I make a dime in profit. My only hope was that maybe I'd make enough each month to cover the cost of what we spend to purchase the oils. Only one month out of the gate and I've reached that goal!

Little did I know, all those years ago, that my Daddy knew what he was talking about. Little did I know how different my life would be now, without him in it. I'd give anything to share with him all I've learned since he's been gone...because deep down, I know he'd be proud. :)

If you want to learn more about Young Living, about essential oils, how to get started or how to order an oil or two, feel free to send me a message, click the Facebook icon at the top right of the screen, or click here! I'd LOVE to help you find a healthier you!

Blessings,

It's Funny How Things Workout...

Life is a process. I firmly believe that, if you let it, life will allow you to become the person God created you to be from the moment you were born. If not, you could miss out on SO much.

I never thought I'd be a homeschooling mom. In fact, if you'd told me all those years ago this is what my life would look like, I would've promptly laughed at you. I was not that mom. We were not that family. I distinctly remember my daddy encouraging me to look into homeschooling. I politely smiled and nodded--as I did with many ideas he ran by me back then--and then immediately didn't give it another thought.

Now I can't imagine my life any other way. The idea of spending my days watching first hand as my children explore, create, discover and learn...I wouldn't trade it for anything. We don't always get along, we don't have perfect days, and some days, I really wanna throw in the towel. But there are moments. Moments when my daughter gets excited over the number of sight words she's learned, moments when my Little Little finally grasps a concept he's been struggling with, moments when my Middle Little gives me a huge hug and tells me how much he loves "doing school" with me...those are the perfect little moments that make it all worth it.

We are still in the learning phase, trying to figure out what works best for our family, what works best for each child, and putting that all into practice. Sometimes we find our curriculum doesn't work well for us and we pitch it completely and start over. Other times, we get so caught up in what we're doing that we lose all track of time and I narrowly manage to get supper on the table. Aaaaaaand sometimes we go, go, go so much that I'm not sure what day it is! But it works for us.

Homeschooling is not for everyone. It's not even for every child. Our Big Little does not homeschool right now. Maybe that will change someday and maybe it won't. But as long as we work together (with him) to figure out how he learns best and where he learns best--then I'm good with that. Children don't, and shouldn't, fit a cookie cutter mold. God created us unique and individual. We have our own likes, dislikes, passions and fears. When we allow ourselves to think outside the box, to find what works best for each of us, we thrive. It's then that I believe God is best glorified--when we allow ourselves to be molded into who He created us to be.

If you had told me in the beginning of the adoption process that we would be sitting here, nearly 3 YEARS later, still with no child to hold...well, I'm not sure I would've chosen to walk that path. But again, I believe life molds you into who you were created to be--if you let it. God knew, long before I did, how things would work out. While I don't necessarily see the "purpose" yet in losing my daddy when I did, I do know that we wouldn't be where we are today if he were still here. We wouldn't have taken the job in San Antonio, which means we wouldn't have moved. We likely wouldn't have discovered how amazing homeschooling can be--we had only begun to homeschool in the fall before moving here and our first semester was rough. We may not have stayed the course if we'd stayed in Tulsa. Our oldest wouldn't have gotten out of a bad school situation--which means he wouldn't be as excited over school as he is now. We wouldn't have the new friends we've made--friends I couldn't imagine my life without.

I'm fully convinced, with every passing day, that while I don't see the bigger picture God has planned, I KNOW He has my best interests in mind. He knew the time I would need to heal after losing my daddy. He knew I wouldn't be prepared to fully focus on our daughter. He knew I wouldn't be ready to be a new mom again AND homeschool effectively. He knew we wouldn't be able to commit to the amazing opportunity of moving to San Antonio if we'd been in the middle of just being home with our daughter.

I don't like the wait. I'm not a naturally patient person. I don't like the not knowing of it all, having everything up in the air, waiting endlessly for this one file to be ready and the miracle it will take for it to land in our hands and make her officially our own. I don't like answering endless questions on how the adoption is going when we're in a standstill forever, but I also don't like that it's been so long that now the questions have stopped coming. I don't like not being in control.

But that's the beauty of growth. It's not easy. It's not comfortable. It's usually not fun. It's hard. It takes work. But the end result is so much better than we ever dreamed possible. It makes it all worth it. So I can't see the light at the end of the adoption tunnel right now, but I know the One in control of this crazy ride I'm on...and ultimately, I wouldn't have it any other way.

My prayer is that our journey means something...not just to our family, but somehow, to yours. I hope that in seeing our struggle, our wait, our growth, whatever it is you need to see, that above all else, you see Christ in the middle of it all. I pray that our journey would renew your faith, deepen your walk with God, or lead you to find Him for the first time. Not that any of it would be because of what we've done, but because you were able to see all that HE has done in all of this. I cling to this verse on my weakest of days, in my darkest of hours:

"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see."
--Hebrews 11:1

I cannot explain the gratitude we have in knowing you all are with us, walking beside us in this crazy journey called adoption...and life.