So much has changed and yet at the same time, so little has changed. Monday night another list will come out. Our caseworker is hoping we will hear something from the CCCWA by then about the specific file we've requested. If she doesn't hear anything, she will search the list that evening, just in case the file was added to it. It's a crazy process that I know many of you do not fully understand. It made little sense to us until we were in the thick of the process. Now we throw around terms like DTC, LID, LOI, CCCWA, LOA, TA, etc and even our kids know what it all means. :) In a lot of ways, it seems as though we've been at this same point in the process f-o-r-e-v-e-r. It feels like a lot of the same. There's not really even a lot more than weekly communication between us and our caseworker because there's not a lot to do on our end other than wait.
That being said, there is so much that HAS changed since the first list came out! As I've mentioned before on my facebook posts, we are privy to information that we should not have! We have been able to locate this specific little girl's file and we have one of our agency workers checking on her paperwork daily. In the beginning, when we first came across this little girl, the response from our agency was, "of course, send us the info you have and we'll do everything we can to locate her and get more information on her situation. It's not common to find the information we'll need to find her file and she may not be available if we do, but it's worth a try." And now, only a few months later, their response was, "we can't say with certainty, but barring some strange thing we are not aware of, we see no reason why they wouldn't send us her file since we know where it is in the process and they know a family is waiting for her." THAT, my friends, is HUGE. It's not unheard of, but it is extremely rare, especially given the circumstances of how we came across her and how unlikely it was that we would be able to get her specific info. Needle in a haystack type of rare. Truly.
So while we are still very much in the same place, we are much MUCH more hopeful, much more excited, and in reality, every day we wait is one more day closer to bringing her home!! To be honest, there's many a day that I must remind myself of that fact so that I don't wallow in frustration and despair. I don't, for one minute, want to make this process seem easy. But I don't want it to seem insurmountable either. I want you to read these posts and be able to share in the joy and the pain alongside us, but also to walk away with a better understanding of one of the many facets of adoption. I want it to be real. open. honest. And I want you to see the miraculous in the mundane, God in the midst of our wait, our struggle.
This I know: We have a daughter half a world away, created just for our family. She is loved. Not only by us, but by the birth mother who gave her the very best chance she could, in what I can only imagine was the most difficult decision of her life. God has bigger plans for this little one. I have no idea what they are yet, but she will not come this far, through this process, to simply exist. She was created for something bigger. We will meet her, not one minute too soon and not one minute too late, but at the time appointed according to the goodness of a mighty God who knows better than we do exactly what we need. And even though we may not see all of it right now (or ever), He is working even now, in the details of her life and in the details of her adoption. We hold tight to this truth:
"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." Exodus 14:14
He fights. We remain. That is all. That is enough.
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