Because patience is NOT my strong suit, I find this is where God tends to give me the most practice. In case you missed our whole adoption journey, you are welcome to relive the crazy in my wait here, here or even here. Those are just the last 3 frustrated and having no patience posts I wrote about our journey. There are MANY more. I see a theme where every time I struggle with patience, God gives me something else to practice it in. I'm here to tell ya, if you pray for patience, wisdom, courage, passion, or any other number of things, God will NOT just give it to you. Instead, He's going to give you opportunities to become stronger in those areas--in other words, ways in which to practice the very thing you are asking for. And really, isn't that the best thing anyway? I mean, when your child asks for help with something, or asks how to do something, while it would be easier to do it for them, it teaches them nothing. Isn't it always better to show them, to guide them, to give them opportunities to practice and hone their skills in that area? So it is with God, I believe. Therefore, since patience seems to be my biggest struggle, it is the area I receive the ability to practice in the most! Yay. Me. LOL
I frequently find myself wanting ALL THE THINGS. I do, I want them all. I want my walk with Christ to be so solid that others see Him first. I want the land. I want the little house. I want to be healthier. I want my hubby at a job he loves. I want our business to succeed. I want to open the B&B. I want to start my non-profit. I want to adopt all the kids. I want to foster all the kids. I want to find work for those needing a job. I want to build a tiny house village for the homeless. I want to be a writer, an artist, a designer. And to be honest, if I happen to sit down and catch any of the myriad of shows I used to regularly watch, then I also want to flip houses, be a fire fighter, be a doctor and travel the world...but I digress...
The reality is is two-fold.
First, it doesn't all just happen "now". It takes time. IT TAKES PATIENCE. It takes focus, determination, a solid plan. Did I mention it takes patience?? I can't make it all happen right now, no matter how hard I try. But you know what I can do? I can take one step today. I can make a list of what all needs to happen and start with the first one. I can actively tackle today. I can use my time wisely. I can give of myself today. I can work on myself today. I can spend time in the Word today. Because I'm not promised tomorrow. And I can't change the decisions I made yesterday. But I can choose how I spend THIS day, THIS moment. How do you eat an entire elephant?? One bite at a time.
Second, the joy is in the JOURNEY. The lessons are in the JOURNEY. When I get there, when I've hit all those goals, it will feel great for a moment, and I'll be able to celebrate. But then I'll have new dreams, new goals, new purpose and passions I'm meant to fulfill. But I don't for one second, even in my impatience, want to miss ALL GOD IS DOING NOW. I don't want to skip over the journey or I miss out on who I am becoming. There is a purpose greater than myself as to why I am on this path. It's not only to do what I can to change the world around me...it's to change me as well. There are parts of our past that I would rather not live over again. However, there were lessons learned and we are who we are now because of them. THAT part, I wouldn't change for the world.
So as much as I want it all, as much as I want it now, I rest in the fact that God sees it all much better than I. I do what I can, with what I've been given for today, making sure not to miss the journey for the destination.
(I also thank GOD for an already patient and fun loving husband who loves me through my crazy!!)
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