For the last month or so, Travel Approvals have been averaging a week or less, many even coming in 4-5 days...some at a whopping 2 days! I was SO excited to get to this point for two reasons. First, because it's the LAST thing we need. After Travel Approval is issued all we are waiting on is boarding a plane when our day comes! And second, because I was under the impression this part would go fast. It depends somewhat on the agency you are with, as they seem to be processed by agency. Our agency is known for lightening fast TAs. I truly truly expected to have it in 3 days or less. And here we sit on day 9...with no TA.
With every passing day, my frustration and heartache have mounted. We have hit roadblocks at every single step of this process, save one. ONE. One step in the process (Article 5 issuance) went like clockwork. ONE. I cannot explain how frustrating, exhausting and utterly heartbreaking it is to do everything within your power to bring your child home and have only ONE step go as planned. So many days I have felt completely defeated. So many nights I've gone to bed begging God to be at work on her side of the world. So many mornings I've gone without news, or gotten bad news, on our process and wondered why on earth we have to fight at every step, why on earth WE have to struggle, why on earth our process has to take years when I have friends who've brought home THREE babies from there on THREE separate trips and I JUST. WANT. MY. GIRL. My one child. Just ONE. Why? Why do we have to go through all of this?
I cried out to God in my anger and pain and frustration. WHY ME??
And then a still, small voice whispered to my heart, "Why NOT me?"
I'm not different than anyone else. I'm no better than anyone else. My daughter is no more deserving of a forever family than the other MILLIONS of children also waiting.
The reality is, our world is broken. Pain and heartache and loss and death and suffering are rampant. From the moment Eve first sinned and Adam followed suit, our world was forever broken. We ALL became sinners that day, no one better or more important than another. We ALL deserve so much less than we are given. We are ALL separated from God by our sin. But God...
God brings life. God brings healing. God brings restoration to families. God binds up the brokenhearted. God fills the void only HE can. God makes us whole. And GOD'S plan is so far better than my own...
I know that He has a plan for my daughter. I know that He has a plan for our family. So WHY would I want anything less than His very best for each of us?? WHY would I want to try to control the outcome on my terms when so many times I've proven that is the worst possible path? I'm realizing there is a purpose in the journey, not just in the destination.
He is bringing my issues to light. He is showing me where I fall short. He is showing me where I need to grow. He is making me more like Him with each step of this process...bringing me to my knees and learning to rely not on my own understanding. He is showing me over and over that I'M not in control, but HE is...and that is so much better than I could imagine.
So we wait...yet again. Only this time, with renewed hope, with renewed faith in the One who loves our daughter more than we ever could. He has OUR best in His plan. He has HER best in His plan. And that's worth waiting for...
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight." ~Proverbs 3:5-6
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