However, I think the lessons that resonate with me the most, that leave me pondering the longest, aren't even my own. They are the things my daddy learned--many the hard way--that I am realizing more and more the longer he's gone. I'll be honest (because he would've said so himself), he wasn't always a good man. Of course, none of us are ALWAYS good...and he was no exception. Like anyone, he could be mean, short-sighted, and make poor choices, some big some small. But the closer he came to the end of his life, the better perspective he had and the more he lived life intentionally. There are many things I want to emulate about the man I called "Daddy". There are others I don't. The following list encompasses the lessons he learned that are becoming apparent to me more and more each day...
1. Life is short. It ends unexpectedly and we all wish for more time.
2. The choices we make on a daily basis can have lasting effects over a lifetime. For example, until he realized his health was in jeopardy, he didn't put a lot of thought into what he ate and how he cared for his body. We have ONE life and only ONE body--we must treat it with the utmost care.
3. Relationships are what YOU make them. You can't control other people, but you are most definitely responsible for your own actions. You get out what you put in. My daddy chose to not put the effort into his marriage to my mom as he should've (for whatever reason). It cost him both his marriage AND time with us kids. Obviously it's not all one sided, but he could've done more on his part--he later said so himself.
4. Time is the one thing you can never get back. You MUST make the most of every day. If there are places you hope to see one day, NOW is the time. If there are things you need to say, NOW is the time. There is no guarantee that you will get the opportunity if you don't do it now. My father had always wanted to go see Vegas. It never happened. He'd also planned to make a video that chronicled his opportunities to share Jesus with others because he said he had some amazing stories. He never got around to it. Oh how I would've loved to hear those stories.
5. You can spend your life working to have THINGS and end up neglecting those most precious to you. Early on in his marriage to my mom, Daddy was focused on working hard and having nice things and, as he later put it, "chasing the almighty dollar". If he thought he could get wealthy doing something, he tried it--many times to the detriment of his marriage and his finances. And he was miserable doing it. Later on in life, he was content to have a roof over his head, food on the table, and time with us kids. And he was utterly happy. Things will never make you happy--but time with those you love will.
6. How does the saying go? "To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world"--or something like that. I think too often we get caught up (especially in today's get-famous-quick society) in being known or being famous or doing something big--rather than realizing that sometimes the most important thing we can do is to be known in the lives of those around us. My daddy didn't make any major contributions to society, but to his grandkids, he was an incredible source for Godly instruction and encouragement. To this day, the one thing that sticks out to my middle son about his Papa was that he was "always telling him about Jesus"--and he loved that about him. Many times it's in the everyday moments that our lives have the biggest impact.
Obviously, none of these things constitute rocket science. In fact, they are things we are told from many different sources, many different times throughout our lives. But when you're faced with looking back on the life of someone you've lost, these lessons take on new meaning. There are soooooo many things about my dad that I hope to develop within myself as a parent, a friend, a neighbor--so many good qualities I hope to have. But sadly, there are things I hope to take to heart, from these lessons I saw him learn the hard way--so that I will not make the mistake of repeating them myself. As parents, we always want better for our kids. We want them to have more, do more, experience more and be more than we ever had, did, or were. So while there are things I know he would've done differently if he had life to live over, I pray these are things I never forget, so that I can at least learn from the lessons life taught my daddy.
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