And yet...from time to time, and just when I need it most, come whispers of hope. Little things that reassure me we are on the right path. Little things to remind me that this isn't the path God chose for everyone, but it IS the path He chose for us. Why? I have absolutely no idea. But I trust that He knows far better than I do what we need, what she needs.
Take the other day, for instance. Even though my husband thinks I'm nuts, I've been wanting a chandelier or pendant light for above my bathtub. I just think they are pretty. So of course I've been looking--I believe he regrets the day I ever found the facebook online garage sale pages. LOL. Anyway, I found this beautiful pendant light, one that perfectly matched all of our other lighting fixtures. And, as is par for the course, I was about 5th or 6th in line for it by the time I said I was interested. I held out no hope. I never thought it would get to me.
And yet...it did. I was contacted by the owner and told it was mine if I wanted it. By that time, I'd had the chance to think about it and wondered if I really wanted to get it. But everything about it was so perfect. So I agreed to meet and purchase it.
I hadn't thought much about my outfit that day. As usual, it was yoga capris and a t-shirt. But I had to do some other errands that day so I decided to pick one of the nicer t-shirts I had, my Show Hope one. For those of you who don't know, Show Hope is the adoption foundation of Steven Curtis Chapman. I'd gotten it a few years back and it was still in great condition.
When I arrived, we made some small chit chat, exchanged money and she gave me the pendant light. Then she noticed my shirt. She asked if I happened to be an adoptive mom. I explained we were in the process. She told me that they had 3 adopted children--two of which were from China. When I explained we were headed to China as well, she asked which province. I explained that we weren't officially matched, but told her the name of the province where our little one is residing. She said, "That's where our son is from!" We proceeded to stand there, two complete strangers, for over 10 minutes, sharing a bond neither of us expected to find.
It was a breath of fresh air...a whisper of hope. Something so small, yet such a huge blessing. It was just what I needed. A little bit of reassurance that God's not done with us yet. He still has a plan, and one day we will know what it is.
I can't say with 100% certainty that this little one is our daughter. But I CAN say with 100% certainty that God has us here, chasing her file, for a reason. Maybe it's because she is ours. Maybe it's because, in following her file, we will find our daughter down the road--where we wouldn't have waited this long if it were not for following this file. I honestly have no idea. But I trust the One who does.
And I'm sure after reading all of this, there are some of you who think I've lost my marbles. I know there are those who think believers like myself, who find God in the little mundane moments of everyday life think we are simply searching for something to believe in--a way to explain away the lives we live. But the truth is, when you have a relationship with someone, be it a wife, husband, parent, child, sibling or friend, you know them...you know how they work. You see the little things that no one else does, those simple things they do for you to show you they love you, that they were thinking of you. And I know my God, I know my Savior, my Jesus. I know that He does in fact, delight in the little things in my life, in showing me every single day just how much He loves me...that He was thinking of me. Sometimes they remind me of His glory--like a beautiful sunset or sunrise, or the smile of a child. And sometimes they are what I like to call whispers of hope, little ways of reminding me He is here, He is in even THIS, and He is still in control...even when I cannot see past today.
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