All summer long I called or emailed the other agency to see if they had any word on our little one's file. Each time the response was the same, "No. But check back in a few weeks." So every 2-3 weeks I would. Finally, in late July, the response was "I really don't think there's anything we can do to help you get this file. We have other families that are waiting ahead of you. It would be really difficult to find a way to make this work." Those weren't the exact words, but basically the sentiment was "move along, because this just isn't going to happen." Many of you recall this time because I very specifically asked for prayers of peace and clarity. Peace to move on and allow this door to be closed, if that's what this was. My husband, however, wanted to keep trying. He insisted on a joint phone call with the director of the China program from the other agency. Until this point, he'd let me pretty much take the lead and handle all things "adoption" while we waited. But now he wanted to step into the battle himself. I asked, she agreed, and we set a phone call date for a Monday afternoon. I was so certain that this was going to be a final, closed door, that I emailed our caseworker at our agency and told her she may want to look for referrals for us on the list that was coming out Monday evening. I told her I thought the door was closing and we would be moving on.
I didn't eat or sleep much over the weekend. On Monday, I sent our daughter to a friend's house, told the boys we would be in an important phone call, closed the office doors, and dialed the phone. Some brief niceties were exchanged. She asked us what we'd like to discuss in particular. At this point, I listened as my husband laid it all on the line, and poured out his heart to this complete stranger. His passionate explanation of his feelings and his tears brought me to my knees. He wasn't giving in, wasn't giving up. He was fighting to the very end. I suddenly felt so foolish and weak. Here I was, willing to walk away, concede defeat, when in reality, we could still fight more. He strength amazes me.
And then it happened. She did a complete 180 from the email on Friday. She asked us again to put our story, of how long we'd waited, how our hearts were so intent on this child we'd never met, all of the details, into an email. She wanted it sent to her. IF, and she said it was a big if, the CCCWA would agree to allow us to transfer our dossier to their agency, SHE WOULD AGREE TO MATCH US WITH HER FILE WHEN IT COMES IN. This simply, was another mountain moved. We still had to get China to agree, but if they did, we could GET OUR GIRL. I put our story in an email yet again, had Sean proof read it, made some simple changes and sent it off the next day. I asked her how long it would take to hear back--she said likely a week maybe two. She forwarded the email to her staff in China, along with a letter of approval from herself, and the wait began. I asked for prayers like never before on facebook. I had no idea how I was gonna focus or get anything worthwhile done until we knew.
We had the answer just TWO DAYS later. China agreed and laid out the steps necessary to gain approval. We had to send a hard copy letter from us, one from the new agency, and one from what would become our old agency. And we had to fill out the application with the new agency and pay some fees. I asked her if there was any remote chance of not getting our girl's file after all of this. She told me she obviously can't control everything about the process, but she felt secure in saying we had a 99% CHANCE OF BEING MATCHED. Sweet Jesus, I sobbed like a little baby. All of the pent up emotion, longing, struggle, pain, anxiety--it all came out at once and I knew I needed to tell my husband immediately.
Turns out, the longest wait of my life, what I thought would be the waiting to hear if the transfer was approved, was not! The longest wait was trying to reach my husband at work!!! I texted. I called. I texted again. I called again. I called his cell. I called his direct office line. I emailed. I texted again. NOTHING. I finally told him I was calling the office. I asked them to page him. They came back on to tell me they didn't know how but they were sending someone to find him and tell him to call me immediately. LOL. I texted him again and told him they were coming to hunt him down because he wasn't responding. I didn't want to talk to anyone else first. I was avoiding the kids. I was a basket case!! I wanted him to hear it first. Finally he called--and I sobbed again, telling him that we were going to get our girl!! It caught him off guard and he was just thankful everyone was ok--I guess the HR lady made him think someone was dying. I later emailed her to apologize! LOL.
So all that to say...WE'RE GOING TO GET OUR GIRL!!!!!!!! I am so humbled, so in awe, so very unworthy, to be in this place, to have these answered prayers. My mama heart is on the verge of exploding at any given moment on any given day. Even in my doubt, He chose to answer the cry of my heart. I am without words to express the mountains moved, the miracles in the making, the changed hearts, the outcome we have prayed for all this time. GOD IS GOOD. And don't you think for one second that man could've done any of this. Every single person that has anything to do with the adoption process has told us from the very second we started that this would probably not happen. Every adoptive mama has told me to keep praying. Many people who've heard our story have questioned, doubted, asked openly why we were waiting. But every moment one of us doubted (myself more than Sean), God, in His mercy, gave us a reason to keep going, to keep fighting. And He and He ALONE moved the mountains every man believed to stand in our way.
Now we wait for more paperwork and time frames and fees and processing...all between two countries. And we start learning Chinese, reading up on her province, plan packing lists, and start fundraising to cover to the $23,000 this change between agencies and our travel expenses will cost! Through it all, we cling to Ephesians 3: 20-21 "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory..."
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